Love in the New Year

I love the way LOVE is described. Learning about how to love someone (not just spouse but children, friends, family, etc) has been my thing for a few years now. Then I sometimes slip and fall back into a “conditional” mindset. To genuinely love someone is hard. However, I’ve found the more I love Jesus, it’s easier to truly love one another with zero expectations of them ever fulfilling my needs because He loves me as I am, not as I ought to be. Then and only then am I able to LOVE others as they deserve to be loved. Without attachment.

Loving my growing children has been the hardest growth in LOVE I’ve ever experienced. Everything in me wants to grasp so tightly as some sort of way to protect them from hurt/pain that I’ve learned in life. I love them with my WHOLE heart BUT that attachment piece often gets in the way of letting them grow into who God Himself created them to be. They were only lent to me. My job was to only love and nurture not to mold or shape them.

Parenting is hard. I thought the older they got the easier it’d become, because you know….no diapers! Lol turns out I’d do anything to hold Caleigha and Miquel just a little longer, snuggle them more, kiss them more, stare into their beautiful brown eyes, and hold there sweet cheeks because I didn’t know how quickly time would pass before my children were unable to climb in my lap or need Mommy to kiss their owies away. My children are perfect in His image but boy do I ever wish that they needed me. (Insert that attachment type love here)

Motherhood is weird and hard. We complain about always being needed and tugged on all day long, but Momma’s one day they’ll stop tugging. Hold on to every moment. Now states away even, I sit and wonder how they are or what they had for dinner. Often because they’re too busy to text/call back. You know teenager stuff. Then when we do talk I forget all the little things I so desperately wanted to know.

Being a step parent is equally difficult. Jaylin and Elijah I watch grow through pictures now. I love them and yet we barely ever talk since the move. Spending Christmas with them made me feel so much joy and happiness because for nearly 8 years I’ve been a “step Mom”. Navigating what I can and cannot do/say and learning to love them as they needed was WAY harder for fear I wasn’t doing enough, being enough or equal in all things. This Christmas I was actually just able to be Mom. And drop all expectations and just LOVE! ❤️ That was the greatest Christmas gift.

Then there’s this kid.. Noah who entered our life with zero expectations. And loves us unconditionally because he doesn’t NEED us…he just loves us and us him.

Then my parents…I’d chop my left foot off for a chance to love on my Daddy again. To not judge or criticize because I couldn’t understand his pain or addiction. To my Mom, I want her to know that I get it. Being a mother is the hardest thing I’ve done and I bet being a grandmother can often be tough to navigate. You’re loved for who you are not what you do.

I’m shocked after 8 years my husband and I still like each other. 🤔😜The path has been soooooo bumpy. However, learning to love ❤️ another human being and all their flaws is a huge lesson when you’ve grown up in a very dysfunctional family. He came from a different home life and family. I came from chaos. He loved not only my children but he loved me. He chose me over and over, day after day. And I him. However, some days that felt more like a chore than a fairy tale love story for us both. Each of us with a failed marriage under our belt.

I’m certain God gives us spouses to be our reflection and show us the parts of ourselves we need work on. It was only with God walking beside Us in our marriage that we’ve become the strongest and greatest team. Without the need to change one another but loving each other enough to let them grow through what we’ve gone through.

I pour my heart out and share authentically because….LOVE! In all things, relationships and interactions we should practice love without expectations.

Happy Sunday! ❤️

“For you created my inmost being;

you knit me together in my mother’s womb.”

– ‭‭Psalm‬ ‭139:13‬ ‭NIV‬‬

“Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.”

-‭‭1 John‬ ‭4:7‬‬

“Do everything in love.”

-‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭16:14‬‬

“Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him.”

-‭‭Psalm‬ ‭127:3‬‬



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